Finding the Strength
by Ms. Belikov
Summary: Rose saw no reason to keep going. But in the blink of an eye, when you can lose everything, you suddenly begin to realize what truly matters. Life is a test. You'd be surprised what you're capable of and how much fight you have in you."You were given this life Roza, because you are strong enough to live it," Dimitri whispered. "I won't let you give up on yourself, on me...On us."
1. Chapter 1

Everyday was so hard. There were times when I considered taking my own life, because I just wanted all the pain and misery to end. I had been abused and hurt for so long, that I didn't know what it was like to be happy anymore.

Welcome to my life.

At twenty-one years old, I really hadn't accomplished much. I'd graduated from high school. Coming from a family that never even made it to high-school, I guess that's something to be proud of. I'd worked at a couple jobs I hated and a few I'd loved, and even got a big promotion. But I was forced to quit due to the other males working there. God forbid I'm even in their presence. When I look at them and get caught, that's when my day really gets sour.

 _How do I even function as a normal human being anymore?_

 _Can anyone tell me?_

I sat in his room, like a prisoner. These four white walls were my home. Or my hell. They had been for the last six months since I'd moved in with Adrian.

I heard the creaking of the hallway, and my body instantly flooded with dread.

He was home from work.

God had it really been eight hours already? Here we go again, I thought. Round 1. My body was still sore and bruised from last night, and I was mentally shut down. But there was no escaping him, there was only enduring him.

"Hi, my Rose," he said sweetly, genuinely pleased to see me. "I missed you so much."

This was Adrian. The man that I had fallen in love with. The man I was riding for. This is the person he'd been when he'd first met me. Like luring a mouse into a trap with a piece of cheese, I'd fallen hard for that mask. Too bad this Adrian was temporary until he lost his patience with me.

I'd always joked with him that he had an evil twin.

Adrian gave me a kiss, and I cringed. Not only because he'd bumped my sore cut from last night, but because I was appalled and scared of him. I hated kissing a man I loved but hated so fucking much.

He noticed that and instantly got irritated. "What, you don't like kissing your own man?"

My stomach tightened and I instantly said, "I'm sorry." I lowered my head.

"Is that makeup you're wearing?" he grabbed my face.

"I was bored, I was trying to pass the time waiting for you to get home," I explained. "I never went out anywhere today. I swear."

"Bull-fucking-shit." He hissed through gritted teeth, squeezing tighter, cutting my neck with his nails, "You trying to get attention?"

"No," I gasped, trying to breathe through his unbreakable grip. The tears began to fall and I was crippled with fear and dread, just knowing the worst was coming next.

"You were out looking for another fucking man today, you fucking whore." Adrian gathered saliva in his mouth, and spit on me. "Always trying to get attention."

"I promise, my love. I would never do that to you. I-"

An arm and fist flashed so quickly I didn't have time to react.

 _Whap._

Everything went black.

* * *

I woke up in a bathtub. Everything was warm and wonderful and I heard running water. I loved that sound. It calmed me. It smelled clean, like soap. Some type of earthy scent.

And then I turned my head, and needles went shooting through my skull.

"Ugh." I groaned in pain, my neck stiff.

"Shhh, my Rose," That familiar voice echoed. "I'm here. I'm gonna take care of you."

I closed my eyes and wished I could go back to the darkness, letting the tears fall. My heart felt like a heavy knot in my chest. I silently cursed God, asking him how he could give this life to me. I never had it easy or fair, and I could never catch a break. This wasn't how my destiny was supposed to turn out. But I was stuck, and I saw no light at the end of the tunnel.

Then the glint of the razor caught my eye, and I held my breath.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! Just getting a feel for this story. I have a plan for it. Just testing the waters now, and seeing what you guys like and how you feel about it. Thank you for the great response on the introduction of this story. I'm so happy to be back! :)**

* * *

 _"See my days are cold without you, but I'm hurting while I'm with you. And though my heart can't take no more, I keep on running back to you." - Ashanti._

* * *

It's so sad what love will make you do. It makes you give up things you never thought possible, like your family and all of your friends. It'll make you sacrifice big things, like your career. It'll make you forgive someone for unfathomable, violent acts. It'll make you lie, like looking into a person who's guts you hated, and have to bite your pride and everything that makes you you, when you say those three words, _I love you._ You will lose yourself.

At least that's what happened to me.

This wasn't a fairy tale. No matter how much it felt like one in the beginning. When I'd locked eyes with his emerald-green ones, when I had first met him and thought our souls had finally found each other. That I was finally found when I'd been lost my entire life.

I was dead wrong.

He was my worst enemy.

And the only way out was death.

But not on his terms - on my own. He could take everything else from me - and he had. But not my life. This was one thing that belonged to me. My heart told me I was on the fast track of him taking that away from me too. Too many hits. Too many slaps. And punches. And bite marks.

One of these days, he was really going to lose it. Did I believe Adrian could kill me intentionally? No. But accidents happen, and there was no stopping him once he got into that mode. He would snap out of it later, and realize it was already too late.

 _Fuck that._

 _This belonged to me._

"My Rose," Adrian whispered, and in a rare show of weakness, a tear slid down his stubbly cheek. "I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

I looked at him through blurry eyes. In a raspy, raw voice, I asked him simply, "Why?"

"Fuck," Adrian blew out his breath. "I don't know. Please, my Rose, I'll take care of you - just please forg-"

"Stop, just stop," Pain, not that of the physical kind, filled me so deeply I was drowning in it. "Just stop. I don't want to hear it."

"I'll make it better." Adrian said in distraught as he poured some of my pomegranate soap onto the loofah. I watched as he lathered it into a ball of bubbles. It smelled delicious.

"How can you make it better?" I whispered, "Can you go back in time and stop it?"

"No," he began scrubbing my body from head to toe. "But I can show you how much I love you and be here to take care of you."

"How is this love?" I felt my swollen eye. "How the fuck is this love? I don't deserve this."

"Easy, my Rose," He said, and I could already hear the irritation in his voice. "I'm so fucking sorry. I wish I could take it back-"

"But you can't, there's no making this better."

"Enough," Adrian said, "Just let me take care of you."

I closed my mouth, and shut down everything in my body. I was just wasting my breath anyways. I would never be heard.

Adrian filled a cup of water from the bath and began pouring over my head to wet my hair. When he filled his palms with my favorite shampoo and gently began to massage my scalp, I cringed and hissed in pain.

"I'm sorry, my Rose," he said genuinely, looking torn apart...and a part of me - a very, very stupid part I might add - melted a little bit and wanted to forgive him and just hug him.

"I don't want to hear it." I told him as he rinsed my hair out then conditioned it. I felt so fucking dead inside, just staring at the tile on the wall and all the designs, desperately trying to think about anything else. My mind was numb.

"You could at least show some appreciation. I did all this for you." He snapped. "Any of your other men do this for you? Took care of you like this? Bathed you? No, exactly. I'm the only one. You should appreciate that."

Adrian looked increasingly frustrated. He stood up and patted his jeans for his cigarette and lighter. He lit one up. I cringed and felt angry. He knew how much I hated the smell, especially inside the house. It always gave me a terrible headache. Even though I already had a pretty nasty one right now. Not that it matters.

He pushed the bath plug to allow the water to drain. Then he looked back at me and made an annoyed sound.

"Fuck, I said I'm sorry. I don't know why in the hell you're still crying."

I didn't say a word.

Adrian helped me out of the bath and wrapped a fresh, crisp white towel around me. He then brought me to our bed, sat me down, got behind me, and gently began brushing my hair for me. After, he helped me to get dressed then laid me down.

"I'm gonna go make you dinner. Maybe you'll appreciate that." Adrian said crisply, "Just lay down. I'll be right back."

I heard the creaking of him walking into the hallway. Then the sounds of pans being moves around and the click of the stove being lit. The water went on.

My decision was already made.

Careful not to be heard, I got up slowly and crept my way into the bathroom. I sat in the empty, cool tub. I grabbed the shaving razor from the side of the tub, and held it carefully in my hand, just staring at it. The glint of the silver. The remnants of Adrian's dark facial hair on it.

I squeezed my hand, flipped my arm, pressed it to my wrist, and dragged the blade down hard to the inner bend of my elbow. The sting took my breath away. But it didn't slow me down. I did it several more times on each of my arms.

The crimson red blood pored out. A startling vibrant, deep color against my olive skin. It dripped everywhere. All over my ivory satin nightgown. All down my thighs and the sides of the tub.

There was so much blood.

I smiled.

Finally.

This was me. _I did this._

The pain of the head injury I'd sustained earlier faded. And so did I. Everything became fuzzy and blurry, and everything went silent.

I was free. Free of Adrian. Free to be Rose again after so long.

 _No more pain._

I faintly remember movement from the corner of my eye, and a broken plate with food on the ground.

Everything faded.


End file.
